As I ponder over the blessings in my life and feeling thankful, I am forever grateful to God for providing everything I need even in the midst of living with Parkinson's disease. On the other hand, I also start to think if I have PD because of a sin I committed? If you see someone physically hurling a wrench at you, your immediate reaction is to duck so that you do not get hit on the head. However when life throws a wrench your way, you can't duck because you did not see it coming. You have no control in this situation, and my first thought usually asks the question, "what did I do to deserve this?"
I know God is full of mercy, love, justice and forgiveness but my human nature demands an answer to this very unfair consequence. Whenever something bad happens in my life, I wrestle with the question "is it my fault or somebody else's?" This is where the story in John 9 from the bible exposes the lie in my question. In John 9, Jesus' disciples saw a blind man and they asked him, "who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus' reply was "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." John 9:3
Our suffering with PD or any life's infliction is not a result of our sin. Truly, suffering in general is a result of the brokenness of the world, that which finds its root cause in human sin (see Genesis 3). But this does not mean that every instance of personal suffering is a direct consequence of one’s own sin. Often, our pain comes from the mere fact that we live in a world that is not what God had intended. We live in a fallen world, and pain/suffering is all expected cycle of our lives. Phew, was I relieved to be assured that nothing I did resulted in me getting PD.
In fact, I already see the works of God displaying in my life. As a result of my diagnosis, I created a song, video and blog that have impacted thousands. This will not have been possible if I was healthy and life did not pose any challenges for me. I would have been too comfortable and certainly, I will not be able to empathize with people inflicted with incurable diseases or any life challenges. So, is PD my curse or a blessing in disguise? I think my daughter, Jackie, profoundly explained it in her writing assignment for her sophomore honor's English class.
A Blessing in Disguise
Ever since I was a little girl, I have always wanted to be in a music video. I can imagine the set with lights and action. My hair and makeup done; all ready to shoot. Never in my wildest dream did I think I was going to be in one, ever! It was thrilling and nerve wrecking all at the same time. Bright lights on the set and hair/make-up all done, ready for the video shoot. Little did I know that my dream of being in a music video would have come from a sad place in the life of my family. Perhaps a curse, I thought.
Shaking and trembling: things I started to see my mom do but not understanding why. "She is brave and will fight through this," my dad assured me. I could not process all these things happening to my mom. She is too young right? This is not a disease people have at her age, she is way too young. What is going on? I was later told that my mom has an incurable brain disease. She would move slower, loses her balance, struggles with things that require strength and shakes without control. I knew she wasn't going to let this beat her but as her daughter, it was very hard to see my mom's life forever changed; for the worse. In December 2013, 2 months after my mom turned 50, my mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. I remember hearing the news but not totally understanding the repercussions of it all. I had no idea what is Parkinson's disease but I remembered my mom telling my brothers and me that it is a disease she will have to battle daily for the rest of her life if no cure is found. However, my mom promised us that she will fight this disease at all costs and she will never let it define her. From then on, our lives were forever changed but my mom was determined to make something good out of something bad with this disease. A year into living with this disease, my mom journaled her struggles into a poem. She then turned the poem into a song and titled it, "I Will Choose." The sales of the song on iTunes are being donated to the Michael J. Fox Foundation research for a cure. My mom then envisioned a music video with the song, in hope of encouraging other people battling with incurable diseases. This is where I come in and my dream of dancing in a music video becomes a reality.
Ever since I was three, my parents told me that I was born to dance. I played many sports which I was good at and loved but everyone could see my true passion was in dancing. When my mom asked me to dance for her music video, I was filled with mixed emotions. I was so excited because it was something I dreamt of doing but it scared me because I knew how important this video was to my mom and I did not want to disappoint her. The planning and production of the video went smoothly and quickly. Before I knew it, the video was out and my mom's story was told. We had over a thousand views within the first week, and it was beyond my expectations. Parkinson's disease may have changed my mother's life but it fulfilled a dream in mine. What seems like a curse for my mom became my blessing in disguise. Thanks, mom.
click here I WILL CHOOSE to watch the video
(turn off music on top left corner first)
The End
So you see, I got to bless my daughter in my disease. What more can I say for she is one of the most precious people in my life? Even my son, Jeremy who composed the music and produced the song repeatedly thanked me for the wonderful once-in-a-lifetime opportunity he had when he got to work with one of the most incredible singer we have heard in our life time. He said, "Hearing Shawn belt out those notes in the sound booth was mind-blowing and a dream come true." What more can I say when I am able to make 2 of my children's dreams come true? Is living with Parkinson's disease my curse or a blessing in disguise?
Blessing others is my goal
